Posted on September 18 2016
When I was pregnant with our third baby, we agonised over deciding whether to find out what we were having. We hadn't found out the gender of our previous babies, opting instead to have a surprise.
We already had 2 little girls. I was in heaven, and felt so lucky to have them. Then the comments started. 'Oh you must be PRAYING it's a boy!' 'Gee your husband will be spewing if it's another girl!' UMMM WHAT THE F*CK?
Of course it would be lovely to have a boy. A son. Someone to carry on the family name. But really? To insinuate that we would be unhappy or disappointed if our baby was to be a girl just absolutely blew me away.
To be honest I'd always imagined myself as the mother of boys. I love footy, cricket, camping, bikes etc, but when we had the girls I didn't feel disappointed! In fact my girls also love those things. And who's to say if we had a boy that he would even like doing those 'boy' activities?
When we finally decided to find out what we were having, it was based on the fact that I needed to know. I just did. I'm a control freak. I need to know every preemptive detail about everything. I used to ferret out our Christmas presents as kids. I wanted to know what I was getting before Santa put them in our pillowcases. I actually don't know how I showed the restraint I did when we had the girls, probably just that my husband was adamant that we didn't.
I had told myself that I honestly, truly, didn't care, and that if it was a boy, well that's great, but I'd love another girl. However, when the ultrasound lady pointed out that little doodle on the screen, I cried. I cried and giggled and cried some more. The look on my husbands face is one I wish I had have captured on film, as the sheer joy was palpable. (I supposed finding out you are having a boy when you are the only boy amongst 5 sisters will do that).
We didn't publicly announce that it was a boy straight away. If asked, we told, but I felt like it would be over-celebrated, just because it was a boy, and I felt disrespectful to my girls. Silly? Maybe? Paranoid? A little, but it was how I felt.
Once word did get out, I started to receive comments like 'oh it's just different with boys' and 'they are so full on, you'll really know you're alive now'. Again, I felt a bit miffed. Anyone that knows my girls, know that they are no shrinking violets. They are full on, loud, boisterous, energetic and mischievous.
A friend of mine also told me that there was something different about having a boy. A different love. Not more, not less, just different. I smiled politely but inwardly doubted it.
She was right.
I now have a bouncing, stinky, hilarious, cuddly 2 year old blue eyed blonde haired little boy.
He is raucous, he is funny, he is SO FULL ON. He is a joker, a rascal, and the absolute boss of our family of five.
I have already done the toddler thing. Twice. It's SO hard. It's demanding, it's relentless and it's hilarious. I have spent days where I alternate between rocking in a corner and gazing at their cherubic little faces with pure unabashed joy and love. I have caressed chubby hands. I have sniffed damp, clean, not quite baby, not quite grown up hair. I have sung lullabies and kissed their perfect faces, resisting the urge to eat them up.
But this kid? This boy? Nothing could have prepared me for the roller coaster ride I am on.
I have cleaned poo out of Tupperware. I have lost 10 kg just chasing him around. I have spend hundreds of dollars on snacks he will never eat just for a moment of peace. My washing machine has never been so full.
He is FAST. He runs like the wind. He has ninja like qualities. The other morning I thought it would be nice to take the kids to the cafe for breakfast before school. I ordered their food and drinks. I settled them at a table. I was feeling like a really fantastic mother at this point. I mentally praised myself for being awesome. I enlisted the help of a friend to watch them for like, 2 mins while I ducked into the adjoining Woolies to grab some extra stuff for their lunch boxes. I watched my three babes from the check out, they were eating, drinking, behaving like the kind of kids I usually long for. I was proud.
Until I walked back over, and before my eyes, Mr 2 flipped his milkshake, tipped it on the floor, and started skating through it, reminiscent of a tiny, male Tonya Harding (minus knife).
The girls watched on in horror. I was rendered speechless and couldn't move. Thankfully there were other, less traumatised people around that kindly helped me out.
These things happen daily. Sometimes twice daily. I nearly always have to carry him out from school longways as he is wet to his neck from jumping in puddles. If there is mud, he's in it. Sand, he'll find it. Water is an unavoidable delight. He'll tip it, drink it, spit it, splash it.
Food is to be crushed. Smeared. Thrown, but rarely eaten.
He bounces around our house like a ping pong ball. I'm sitting outside writing this now and I can hear banging and crashing. My house sounds like a bag of popcorn, popping in a microwave.
This morning I awoke to a beautiful kiss from him. He stroked my face, said 'get up' then ran over me with a dolly pram. Yesterday he punched me in the face and then said 'I love you so much'. He told his sister to 'just f*cking drink it you shit!' When she complained about her hot chocolate. When I admonished him, he smiled and said 'sorry Mum'.
He ruins the girls games then declares 'it's not my fault'. He flushes toilet rolls down the toilet and floods the bathroom. He has discovered his doodle and plays with it in ways that make me feel sorry for it.
This little boy of mine is crazy. So so crazy. But he is also kind. He shares. He shows incredible empathy to his sisters. He is wise beyond his years. His cuddles are genuine and fierce.
He loves me. So much. The way his eyes light up when he sees me is worth scratching dried snot off the couch.
I know that he won't always be this way. With each passing day, he is growing up, and becoming a boy. He will one day be a teenager, and then a man.
I have heard the saying, "A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life".
Please don't let this be true. I know that I complain now. I tell everyone, he's doing my head in. That he's killing me. But honestly. This 2 year dictator, with negotiating skills that would put a CIA agent to shame, with massive blue eyes, and spiky blonde hair, is the light of our lives.
We all love him so much. Our house has never known laughter like it. We have never been so enamoured of a tiny little human.
We just need to hang on. Breathe. Ride out the poo, the farts and the spit. Learn to savour the puppy dog smell and the penis puppetry.
He's toddler-ing hard. I just need to mum harder.
Claire X
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