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Fear - things that hold me back

Posted on July 17 2016

Last week I posted about playing netball again. I did it and survived. I actually loved it! Although I now am suffering pain in places I didn't know existed. Not really sure what I was so worried about really, but it got me thinking. 

Fear has held me back from so many things in my life and I'm sick of it.

Saturday night was my cousin's birthday and I was so excited to go. Hang out with my family, have a few drinks, relax and laugh. Until I realised that I was going to have to drive myself. Now, as most of you know, I'm nearly 38 years old. I have been driving for a long time, but I'm sh*t-scared of it. I hate it. With a burning haunting passion.

In order for the weekend to be fun and stress free, we decided that I would just go with the girls and my husband would stay home with our son - (sorry mate - but 2 year olds and outdoor parties/bonfires/camp outs aren't a good time in my opinion). That was fine until the logistics of it all hit.

I was going to have to drive. On a freeway. Unsupervised. *insert sweat, shakes, nervous poo*. This means overtaking, changing lanes, avoiding trucks and concentrating for hours. For some of you this is nothing, you probably do it every day, twice a day to go to work. Not me. My car does about 15km a week and I'm happy with that.

I've never liked driving. As a kid, even the thought of it would paralyse me with fear. I remember when everyone turned 18 and got their license on their birthday. I was so jealous that they were confident enough to do it. To just get in a car, on their own and explore the big bad world. If asked why I didn't have my license, I would lie and say 'oh, I don't need it, I prefer walking, or catching the train'. That was crap. Catching the train is almost second on my fear list, and don't even get me started on those friggin Myki things.

Driving isn't the only thing that I have been scared of.

As a kid I was scared of all the usual things, robbers, kidnappers, snakes and mice. My grandparents had a house at Torquay that we spent endless summers at. I would lay in bed at night waiting for a tidal wave to kill me.

As I got older, those fears remained, and actually heightened. (Except for the tidal wave thing, that kinda disappeared). I was followed home from school in my teens and had nightmares for years. I would go into my parents room in the middle of the night, terrified that he was going to come back and get me. That fear lasted decades, to the point where I could never stay home alone, until I had children, and I become the protector and not the victim.

My education suffered due to fear. I got into Social Science at Latrobe, studying linguistics, and two other subjects that I actually can't remember. Know why I can't remember? Cos I didn't go. I just didn't turn up. Because I was terrified. Of going to the wrong lecture theatre. Of getting lost on campus. I didn't know anyone, and instead of it being an opportunity for growth and experience, it became a private hell. I would leave the house in the morning, waving bye to my mum. She thought I was off to uni. Instead I hung out with my friend Marley, cruising around doing god knows what, avoiding any experience that put me out of my very very deep and squashy comfort zone. This turned out to be quite a costly exercise. You see I didn't know deferment was a thing. I didn't know that I didn't have to go to uni. That I could have contacted them and said, 'hey, I'm not quite ready for this, give me some time'. Instead I wagged for a year and ended up with a HECS debt. If I'd been studying then fine, I'd be happy to pay, but instead we were hanging out at Greensborough Plaza, shopping at Westco, dying our hair with frost and tip kits and playing Nintendo.

Fear is so debilitating. So limiting. I'm still scared of being home alone. I'm scared of walking into a party on my own. I'm scared of the airport. I'm scared of the Ring Road. I don't like doors that aren't clearly marked 'push' or 'pull' as I'm scared of looking like a di*khead if I do the wrong one. I love to sing, but I'm scared to do it in public. I'm scared of IKEA. I'm scared of the Pirate Ship.

I'm scared of bending over and letting out a sneaky fart.

I'm scared of mice. Of ordering at a restaurant as I always get the wrong thing. I'm scared of what people think of me.

I'm scared you are going to read this and think I'm an anxiety ridden chicken. I'm not. I'm pretty cruisy really, but we all have fears. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I'm not scared of spiders. Not one little bit. My BFF Rachel is petrified. So I kill her spiders. She disposes of my dead mice. (Yes I'm even scared of them when they are dead).

Find people that can be your crutch. Your fear buddy. That will take your hand and guide you through, won't hang sh*t on you for being a pussy and will high five you when you drive to the city for the first time. (Thanks Jade).

What are you scared of?





54 comments

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    My name is ashley walters !!! i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you all, The best thing that has ever happened in my life,  is how i won the Powerball lottery. I do believe that someday i will win the Powerball lottery. Finally my dreams came through when i contacted Dr. OSE and tell him i needed the lottery winning special numbers cause i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never knew that winning was so easy with the help of Dr. OSE, until the day i meant the spell caster testimony online, which a lot of people has talked about that he is very powerful and has great powers in casting lottery spell, so i decided to give it a try. I emailed Dr. OSE and he did a spell and gave me the winning lottery special numbers 62, and co-incidentally I have be playing this same number for the past 23years without any winning, But believe me when I play the special number 62 this time and the draws were out i was the mega winner because the special 62 matched all five white-ball numbers as well as the Powerball, in the April 4 drawing to win the $70 million jackpot prize…… Dr. OSE, truly you are the best, with Dr. OSE you can will millions of money through lottery. i am a living testimony and so very happy i meant him, and i will forever be grateful to him…… you can Email him for your own winning special lottery numbers now oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com OR WHATSAPP him +2348136482342
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  • ashley walters: August 05, 2023

    My name is ashley walters !!! i am very grateful sharing this great testimonies with you all, The best thing that has ever happened in my life,  is how i won the Powerball lottery. I do believe that someday i will win the Powerball lottery. Finally my dreams came through when i contacted Dr. OSE and tell him i needed the lottery winning special numbers cause i have come a long way spending money on ticket just to make sure i win. But i never knew that winning was so easy with the help of Dr. OSE, until the day i meant the spell caster testimony online, which a lot of people has talked about that he is very powerful and has great powers in casting lottery spell, so i decided to give it a try. I emailed Dr. OSE and he did a spell and gave me the winning lottery special numbers 62, and co-incidentally I have be playing this same number for the past 23years without any winning, But believe me when I play the special number 62 this time and the draws were out i was the mega winner because the special 62 matched all five white-ball numbers as well as the Powerball, in the April 4 drawing to win the $70 million jackpot prize…… Dr. OSE, truly you are the best, with Dr. OSE you can will millions of money through lottery. i am a living testimony and so very happy i meant him, and i will forever be grateful to him…… you can Email him for your own winning special lottery numbers now oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com OR WHATSAPP him +2348136482342
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  • Lilian Morgan: August 02, 2023

    HOW I GOT MY HUSBAND BACK HOME WITH THE HELP OF A REAL AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER DR IFADE TEXT OR CONTACT VIA WHATSAPP +15513334259 OR EMAIL HIM ON ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com Regard LILIAN MORGAN. My name is LILIAN MORGAN and I am from the United States. I almost took my life because of my husband who left me and stopped picking my calls and answering my mails and my messages. He said  He do not trust me anymore, I tried to convince and beg him, but he would not believe or answer me until we had a fight and  broke up for 6months, after that I realized I can not live without him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed me and went away with my money until I came across this man called Dr IFADE he helped me cast a spell  and behold my husband came back after 48 hours, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that spell caster like Dr IFADE still exist. If anyone here needs some help, with all sincerity, contact Dr IFADE today On ifadesolutionspell31@gmail.com Contact him via is whatsapp number +15513334259 indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. i can never stop talking about you sir.  DR IFADE is really a great man you can contact him for solution for any kind of  problems like (1) lottery spell (2) ex back (3) get pregnant (4) cure for any kind of sickness, disease and infection And many others contact this great man today and get your Problems solved. Virus-free.www.avast.com

  • Julianna Davis: July 02, 2023

    i want to share to the whole world how Dr Kachi the Great of all the Spell Caster, that helped me reunite my marriage back, my Ex Husband broke up with me 3months ago, I have been trying to get him back ever since then, i was worried and so confused because i love him so much. I was really going too much depressed, he left me with my kids and just ignored me constantly. I have begged him for forgiveness through text messages for him to come back home and the kids crying and miss their dad but he wont reply, I wanted him back desperately. we were in a very good couple and yet he just ignores me and get on with his life just like that, so i was looking for help after reading a post of Dr Kachi on the internet when i saw a lady name SHARRON testified that Dr Kachi cast a Pure love spell to stop divorce. and i also met with other, it was about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 24 hours at the end of her testimony she dropped his email, I contacted Dr Kachi via email and explained my problem to Dr Kachi and he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen, that he will restored my marriage back, and to my greatest surprise my Ex husband came back to me, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day our marriage is now stronger than how it was before, Dr Kachi you’re a real spell caster, you can also get your Ex back and live with him happily: Contact Email drkachispellcast@gmail.com his Text Number and Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 his Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site

  • Ian Martin: July 01, 2023

    Good day everyone. I’ve always played lottery games with the hope that someday I will win but that never happened. I did some research online and I came across an advert about Dr Amber who helps people that believe in his work. I explained my situation to him and he prepared a lottery spell for me and gave me some special digits to play the lottery. I did as he said without any skepticism and could you believe that after 3 days, I checked my ticket at a store where I bought it from and for the very first time in my life, I won the sum of £30,820,000 MILLION POUNDS. Now my life has changed for good, I am a boss of my own and I am so happy that I meant this great man called Dr Amber. You can be a boss of your own too by getting in touch with him. For urgent response from Dr Amber, send a WhatsApp text or call to +1 409 241 8060 or send an email to; amberlottotemple@gmail.com

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