Focus on your bubble - it might just burst...

I'm always tired. Not just physically tired. Brain tired.

Somewhere along the line we have been conditioned to think that a full life means being busy. I don't think this is true. Or it shouldn't be anyway.

Instant gratification in the form of the World Wide Web means we don't need to wait for anything any more. We have lost the art of patience. If we want to know something we Google it. We don't need to find a book or visit a library, or ask a person whose knowledge is being wasted away. We watch an episode of our favourite show, and instead of feeling the delicious anticipation of the coming week's episode, we download it and watch it then and there. Hanging out to hear your favourite song on the radio is a thing of the past. The excitement when you hear those first few bars on the radio was void from the moment you added it to your playlist from the iTunes Store. You know what you are getting as you planned it, there are no more surprises.

I feel like a busy woman, but to be honest. I'm not really. My kids only do one activity and our social life is pretty shitty. I'm not a high energy person that loves to be busy and run around filling in my day. I love sitting on my arse on my couch. So why do I still feel so 'up' all the time? So on edge, so 'buzzy'. I think it's because there are so many other things that have infiltrated our lives. The inability to switch off even when sitting on my arse scoffing Tim Tams is disturbing. And it's all due to this little bastard that I'm currently madly tapping away on. It's my fourth child. My lifeline to the outside world, but my iPhone is changing my life, and not always necessarily in a good way.

Facebook is my friend. I love it. Like I REALLY love it. But I can become immersed for hours in total shit that is completely irrelevant to me. I know that Sally's mum's cat had kittens and that one of them didn't make it, and Sally is devastated and so is her mum. That's really sad. But I don't even know who the f**k Sally is! Instagram has me drooling. So many clever cats out there taking beautiful photos of their beautiful lives. I get jealous. I look around my house and at my kids outfits and think, 'what am I doing wrong?' The answer is nothing, I'm not doing anything wrong, but that's when I know that my phone is leading me into a place where I don't really need to be. A place that makes me insecure, and worrying about shit that I don't need to be. I feel genuinely sorry for Sally's mum, and while it's important to be socially conscious, it adds another thought in my mind that should be solely focussed on my own bubble.

So many apps to download. Candy crush took away a good few months of life. So many notifications to check. So many social media platforms to be across in FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).  

I have read so many articles by professionals begging us to put our phones down and be present. I read them and feel tortured and for 10 minutes, I put my phone in my bag. But then without thinking, in full automation mode, I grab it, to check the likes and comments of the highly edited and artfully cropped (to hide my lounge room mess) photo that I posted of my baby smiling at me.

I feel rage when my girls are on their iPads. They become unable to function, my requests to play outside fall on deaf ears as they are immersed in their virtual world of Minecraft or a music app that encourages them to film themselves dancing and seek likes, gratification and validation. 'Put that bloody thing away'! I yell, 'I'm sick of these bloody iPads, they are frying your brain'. They look at me. Their glazed gaze moving from my red face to the phone in my hand. I am not leading by example.

My new direction in life has led to a presence in social media, so I feel that what I am writing is hypocritical. It totally is. But I need to learn that while it is what I do, it can't be ALL I do. Social media definitely has its benefits. We can run businesses, create awareness for valuable and important projects/events/people, but it needs to be used for good not evil. Writing amen on the picture of a poor sick child may momentarily soothe your conscience, but it's not going to lead to any life altering outcome for that child, it's just boosting the poster's social media profile.

I need to teach my kids the value of patience. Of stillness. To turn off the TV and meet in the lounge room and not in a virtual world. To play, interact and speak to each other. Be comfortable with the silence or the hum of the family vibrations. Relearn the love of the pages of a book and absorbing knowledge from someone who has stuff to teach us. I want them to hear the voice of experience, not Siri.

I don't want to be brain tired. I don't want my kids to have buzz-fatigue. Who knows. If we switch off, we may just wake up.


Claire X