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Fear - things that hold me back

Posted on July 17 2016

Last week I posted about playing netball again. I did it and survived. I actually loved it! Although I now am suffering pain in places I didn't know existed. Not really sure what I was so worried about really, but it got me thinking. 

Fear has held me back from so many things in my life and I'm sick of it.

Saturday night was my cousin's birthday and I was so excited to go. Hang out with my family, have a few drinks, relax and laugh. Until I realised that I was going to have to drive myself. Now, as most of you know, I'm nearly 38 years old. I have been driving for a long time, but I'm sh*t-scared of it. I hate it. With a burning haunting passion.

In order for the weekend to be fun and stress free, we decided that I would just go with the girls and my husband would stay home with our son - (sorry mate - but 2 year olds and outdoor parties/bonfires/camp outs aren't a good time in my opinion). That was fine until the logistics of it all hit.

I was going to have to drive. On a freeway. Unsupervised. *insert sweat, shakes, nervous poo*. This means overtaking, changing lanes, avoiding trucks and concentrating for hours. For some of you this is nothing, you probably do it every day, twice a day to go to work. Not me. My car does about 15km a week and I'm happy with that.

I've never liked driving. As a kid, even the thought of it would paralyse me with fear. I remember when everyone turned 18 and got their license on their birthday. I was so jealous that they were confident enough to do it. To just get in a car, on their own and explore the big bad world. If asked why I didn't have my license, I would lie and say 'oh, I don't need it, I prefer walking, or catching the train'. That was crap. Catching the train is almost second on my fear list, and don't even get me started on those friggin Myki things.

Driving isn't the only thing that I have been scared of.

As a kid I was scared of all the usual things, robbers, kidnappers, snakes and mice. My grandparents had a house at Torquay that we spent endless summers at. I would lay in bed at night waiting for a tidal wave to kill me.

As I got older, those fears remained, and actually heightened. (Except for the tidal wave thing, that kinda disappeared). I was followed home from school in my teens and had nightmares for years. I would go into my parents room in the middle of the night, terrified that he was going to come back and get me. That fear lasted decades, to the point where I could never stay home alone, until I had children, and I become the protector and not the victim.

My education suffered due to fear. I got into Social Science at Latrobe, studying linguistics, and two other subjects that I actually can't remember. Know why I can't remember? Cos I didn't go. I just didn't turn up. Because I was terrified. Of going to the wrong lecture theatre. Of getting lost on campus. I didn't know anyone, and instead of it being an opportunity for growth and experience, it became a private hell. I would leave the house in the morning, waving bye to my mum. She thought I was off to uni. Instead I hung out with my friend Marley, cruising around doing god knows what, avoiding any experience that put me out of my very very deep and squashy comfort zone. This turned out to be quite a costly exercise. You see I didn't know deferment was a thing. I didn't know that I didn't have to go to uni. That I could have contacted them and said, 'hey, I'm not quite ready for this, give me some time'. Instead I wagged for a year and ended up with a HECS debt. If I'd been studying then fine, I'd be happy to pay, but instead we were hanging out at Greensborough Plaza, shopping at Westco, dying our hair with frost and tip kits and playing Nintendo.

Fear is so debilitating. So limiting. I'm still scared of being home alone. I'm scared of walking into a party on my own. I'm scared of the airport. I'm scared of the Ring Road. I don't like doors that aren't clearly marked 'push' or 'pull' as I'm scared of looking like a di*khead if I do the wrong one. I love to sing, but I'm scared to do it in public. I'm scared of IKEA. I'm scared of the Pirate Ship.

I'm scared of bending over and letting out a sneaky fart.

I'm scared of mice. Of ordering at a restaurant as I always get the wrong thing. I'm scared of what people think of me.

I'm scared you are going to read this and think I'm an anxiety ridden chicken. I'm not. I'm pretty cruisy really, but we all have fears. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I'm not scared of spiders. Not one little bit. My BFF Rachel is petrified. So I kill her spiders. She disposes of my dead mice. (Yes I'm even scared of them when they are dead).

Find people that can be your crutch. Your fear buddy. That will take your hand and guide you through, won't hang sh*t on you for being a pussy and will high five you when you drive to the city for the first time. (Thanks Jade).

What are you scared of?





51 comments

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  • Julianna Davis: July 02, 2023

    i want to share to the whole world how Dr Kachi the Great of all the Spell Caster, that helped me reunite my marriage back, my Ex Husband broke up with me 3months ago, I have been trying to get him back ever since then, i was worried and so confused because i love him so much. I was really going too much depressed, he left me with my kids and just ignored me constantly. I have begged him for forgiveness through text messages for him to come back home and the kids crying and miss their dad but he wont reply, I wanted him back desperately. we were in a very good couple and yet he just ignores me and get on with his life just like that, so i was looking for help after reading a post of Dr Kachi on the internet when i saw a lady name SHARRON testified that Dr Kachi cast a Pure love spell to stop divorce. and i also met with other, it was about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 24 hours at the end of her testimony she dropped his email, I contacted Dr Kachi via email and explained my problem to Dr Kachi and he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen, that he will restored my marriage back, and to my greatest surprise my Ex husband came back to me, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day our marriage is now stronger than how it was before, Dr Kachi you’re a real spell caster, you can also get your Ex back and live with him happily: Contact Email drkachispellcast@gmail.com his Text Number and Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 his Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site

  • Ian Martin: July 01, 2023

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  • Vivian Marcus: June 24, 2023

    Hello my name is Vivian Marcus from the United State, i’m so exciting writing this article to let people seek for help in any Break up Marriage and Relationship, Dr Kachi brought my Ex Boyfriend back to me, Thank you Sir Kachi for helped so many Relationship situation like mine to be restored, i was in pain until the day my aunt introduce me to Dr Kachi that she got her husband back with powerful love spell with help of Dr Kachi So i sent him an email telling him about my problem how my Boyfriend left me and cheating on me because of her boss lady at work i cry all day and night, but Dr Kachi told me my Boyfriend shall return back to me within 24hrs and to me everything he asked me to do the next day it was all like a dream when he text me and said please forgive me and accept me back exactly what i wanted, i am so happy now as we are back together again. because I never thought my Ex Boyfriend would be back to me so quickly with your spell. You are the best and the world greatest Dr Kachi. if you’re having broke up Ex Lover or your husband left you and moved to another woman, You do want to get Pregnant do not feel sad anymore contact: drkachispellcast@gmail.com his Text Number Call: +1 (209) 893-8075 You can reach him Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site

  • sam smith: June 16, 2023

    I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met
    two weeks ago, I cannot say everything he has done for me my wife
    left me 3 years ago left with my kids I was going through online
    when I meant this wonderful man’s testimony online I decided to
    give it a try and my wife is back to me now and we are happily
    married again cause is too much to put in writing all I can say is
    thank you very much am very happy Contact him today on oseremenspelltemple@gmail.com or whatsapp him on +2348136482342. www.facebook.com/Dr-odion-spell-temple-110513923938220

  • Susan Harrington: May 13, 2023

    Hello everyone out here!! My Fiancée Lesbian who left me is back, I want to share my testimony it’s my happiness with you all in this site, last year my Lesbian Wife left me for another woman, she abandon me alone and I miss her, since everything was so hard for me because i really love her so much, i didn’t lose hope i try my best to get her back when i was searching online and read testimonies of Dr Kachi how he has been helping ladies in getting there Ex lover back, I had no option than to seek for help, i contacted Dr Kachi explain my problem to him, Dr Kachi Guarantee me not to worry that’s going to help me cast a return love spell for me, that will bring my Lesbian Wife back and assure me within 2days, it was just like a magic my wife who left me surely return back, i couldn’t believe when she live the other lady and she come back to me with so much love and caring will are together now, I will never forget this help that Dr Kachi did for me, a love spell that brought my wife back. If you are here and you need help to get your Ex Lesbian back do contact Dr Kachi through this email: drkachispellcast@gmail.com I’m proud to be on his testimony page. His Number Text and Call +1 (209) 893-8075 Visit his Website: https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site

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