The Mothers Day Post

Posted on May 08 2016

Last week's blog was full of frustration and despair. I bared my soul about the things that I am struggling with (total first world problems) and I received lots of funny, supportive and helpful feedback. I loved it. I felt like I was not alone and that well, it's all just part of the job. A job I love. Being a mum.

I'm sitting here tonight, basking in the glory that is Mother's Day. I received a beautiful blingy love heart necklace, some smelly flowery thingys, a beautiful pic of my son and ironically, a shopping list pad to stick on the fridge. My daughters presented me with their chosen gifts from the Mother's Day stall, and with each gift explained why they had chosen them. They were personal little morsels, so thoughtfully chosen by them, for ME. Just ME.

Mothers Day has always found me in a little bit of turmoil. On one hand, I think that because it's Mother's Day, I should get to have a break, do what I want, be alone if I wish and just absorb the fact that it's MY day. On the other hand. If it wasn't for those messy, funny, cuddly, loud, feral little buggers, I wouldn't be entitled to the privilege of enjoying this day. So I drink the 'coffee' (I use that term loosely) they make me, I eat the breakfast that they, along with my lovely husband choose and cook me, and I exclaim loudly and surprisedly over the gifts they got me that I bought last week from Kmart and hid in my wardrobe.

I am lucky enough to be able to share this day. I am lucky enough to still have my own mum. A brave, strong, passionate, loving woman that has raised 4 children with a fierce intensity. She's a warrior. She has endured struggles that no one should endure, but she never gives up. We are her children and as she once said to me, 'it is not just my job to love you, it is my job to guide you. You may hate me and think I'm the worlds biggest bitch, but I will be your mum forever, and I will never stop doing what I think is best for all of you'.

I know that I am lucky to have this woman by my side, physically and emotionally, because unfortunately, while this day is a day of celebration for me, it can be a day of sadness for others. Whether it be loss in the form of passing, of a mother or child, a relationship break down, or just having a crap mum that doesn't appreciate how much of a legend you are, if you don't have someone to physically treasure today, it's hard. I know my dad, at 63 years of age (I think, sorry dad) still acutely feels the pain at the loss of his mum, my mama, a beautiful lady taken way too soon. It has been over 20 years, and the mere mention of her name or a memory will bring tears to his eyes.

That's the impact that we, mothers, have. Or should have. We have a role so great, so deep, that once we bring our children into the world, we are their core. We nourish them, care for them, guide them. Sometimes we have absolutely no friggin idea what we are doing, sometimes we know EXACTLY what to do.

We need to kiss them, hug them, soothe them. Listen to them, even if you are watching The Voice and they need to tell you the 15 minute story of how they got a hole in their sock (yes that happened). We need to let them know that we will always be there, yet let them explore our world with confidence, on their own, while acting as their guardian angel - one hand gently pushing them on their way, the other clutching your own heart, fearful and proud, wishing them well and encouraging their independence, all the while wishing you could wrap them in a blankie, clasp them to your chest and never let them go.

Being a mother doesn't come easily or naturally to everyone. You don't receive a qualification once you birth that little baby. You are left alone, to feel your way, to work out not only the best thing for your baby, but for yourself. Most of us work it out, try really hard and do our job pretty well. We are bound to make mistakes and the wrong thing at times, but we have to remember, we are learning too! Each age and stage of our children's lives is a new experience, we don't and can't know it all.

To me, a mother is a role. And not one that is solely dependent on whether you have carried a child. This role can be performed by anyone that has enough love in their heart for a child or an adult. Adoptive mums, foster mums, mother-in-laws, grandmothers, sisters. Maybe even a dad that steps up to both roles. I have wonderful aunties that are like mothers to me. We all have the capability to love, nurture and guide.

So to all you women out there, having had a child, lost a child, been a child, I send you love. I send you recognition. I send you encouragement, support and strength. I hope the pj's you get are the right size. I hope the handwritten card you get is full of honesty and sentiment. I hope you enjoy your homemade 'coffee' and savour your cold toast that requires you to change your doona cover after a fun-filled breaky in bed.

We deserve it.

Claire x


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